Top 5 Stories of 2005 - #3 - The Supreme Court

#3 – The Supreme Court

Out with the Old, in with the New

In 2000, Democrats were on the offensive: If you vote for George W. Bush he will have the ability and the right to nominate one or two Supreme Court Justices, and that will destroy both the country and rule of law. I heard it a million times. But something miraculous happened – no one retired and no one died. We made it through a whole term without a Supreme Court change (it had actually been 11 years). Then, in 2004, I guess Democrats were too busy biting their own backs to make the point again. So, at the beginning of Bush II, the Change finally came.

The Old Guard

William Rehnquist

The definitive member of the Old Guard, Rehnquist, appointed during the Nixon Administration (though named chief justice by Reagan), served a term that was discernible in its conservatism and marked a new definition of judicial review. Legal scholars label him as one of the most important and significant Chief Justices in US History. He was noted for presiding in such landmark cases as Roe v. Wade (a ruling he tried to overturn until his death); the Bush v. Gore debacle; and, of course the legendary decision Smeltit v. Dealtit. Rehnquist died on September 3, at the age of 80.

Sandra Day O’Connor

Sandra Day O’Connor, a 1981 Reagan appointee, was the first woman ever to serve on the Supreme Court (unless you count transvestites like Taft). She went to Stanford Law School at the same time as Rehnquist, and dated him for a time. This might explain why she was always described as the perennial swing vote (though she swings way less now than in college). Her moderate conservatism often decided which way the 5-4 decisions would fall, making her one of the more critical votes of the nine. Although she announced her retirement in July, she continues to sit on the bench until her replacement is confirmed.

The New Meat

John Roberts

John Glover Roberts, Jr. was originally nominated as O’Connor’s replacement. After Rehnquist’s death, Bush nominated Roberts for Rehnquist’s position of Chief Justice instead. After months of bickering, Roberts, on the strength of his record and his showing at the confirmation hearings, was approved by the Senate by the record vote of 78-22, the clearest margin in US history (Rehnquist was only confirmed 65-33). Roberts, 50, is the youngest Chief Justice since 1801 (John Marshall – 45), and the third youngest in history. Although it is too early to either criticize or laud Roberts’ agenda, he has sworn to increase the Supreme Courts caseload, which sank by half during Rehnquist’s term.

Harriet Meirs

It makes a good punch line. Although it’s more fun to say that Harriet Meirs got Borked, she still made for a good joke of a nomination.

When I was a kid, I learned the tremendously valuable skill of the overbid. It goes a little something like this:

(Scene: A kid who wants a Game Boy Advance.)

Kid: Hey Mom and Dad, can I have an Xbox 360 for Christmas? It’s super awesome and everyone is getting one!
Parents: How much is it?
Kid: Ummm.. like 500 dollars?
Parents: Absolutely not. No possible way!
Kid: But everyone else is getting one!!
Parents: No!
Kid: Please???
Parents: No!! Just stop it now!
Kid: Fine, then can I have a Game Boy Advance? Those are only 150 bucks.
Parents: Fine!

It works every time. Ask for way more than you want. If they say yes, awesome. If not, you can still look like a compassionate and bridge-building compromiser by offering what you originally wanted anyway. I think that’s what Bush did. The fact is Meirs, who had ZERO court experience (and quickly withdrew her name from nomination), could only have been a set-up to get a more conservative, Bush-minded justice through. So…

Samuel Alito

We honestly don’t know that much about the man. We know the American Bar Association listed him as “well qualified” for the position, their top rating. We know he was Bush’s favorite choice, although his loyalty to Meirs won out (see? I told you.) There is a decently long and confusing court record regarding abortion, the first amendment, and federalism. All in all, although his record leans towards Republican issues and he, like Rehnquist, would like to overturn Roe v. Wade (though he promises never to do anything to it), he is at least a thousand times better than Meirs. And that may be all they need to confirm him. Good Luck, America. We need it.

Top 5 Stories of 2005 - #4 - The New Pope

#4 – The Pope

New Pope vs. Pope Classic

“Stupidity is also a gift of God, but one mustn't misuse it”
- Pope John Paul II (Karol Josef Wojtyla)

A Look Back

Karol Wojtyla, a Polish Cardinal, was named Pope on October 16, 1978. He served the flock of Catholics until his death on April 2, 2005 of heart failure. Lets take a look at the reign of Pope John Paul II and some of his main contributions to the world:

- The first non-Italian pope in over 450 years, ending the streak started by Pope Jean-François I who, in 1536, surrendered the Papacy over to a marauding John Calvin, who immediately handed it back, claiming that, according to predestination, he had been Pope since birth.
- The most traveled Pope in history, going a total of over a half-million miles (30 times around the earth) while visiting almost 140 countries. He is the biggest papal globetrotter since Pope “Sweetwater” Jones XI. (Also, he was the first Pope to be named an honorary Harlem Globetrotter in 2000.)
- The 3rd longest pontificate in Papal history. John Paul II lost only to St. Peter, the first pope, who, according to the bible, lived for 300 years, and, of course, Urban II who turned out to be an evil robot.
- John Paul II named more saints than all of his predecessors combined. When asked why he named so many saints, the Pope replied, “Simple- science is outpacing us. Can you possibly comprehend the amount of things we need to come up with patron saints for? I mean, who has to be the patron saint of the Chia Pet?? Religion doesn’t have the convenience of an assembly line. We just needed to lower our requirements. Soon, we may have to accept movie stars that just played saints. We’re desparate.”
- He turned the Catholic Church to the people. He did this in several ways- he opened up morning masses to the public for the first time in history; he, unlike any other Pope, made it his mission to take his message directly to the people, instead of just preaching from a dais; he was the first Pope to literally embrace women (and was known to give them kisses on the cheek) instead of having them kiss his Papal ring; and he was the first Pope to ever visit a synagogue or a mosque defying and disproving the long-standing Catholic belief that it would make his brain slowly melt.


Pope John Paul II was a very humane, caring, compassionate, and personally accessible man. He was the Pope of the People. Regardless of any jokes I made, John Paul II was an absolutely brilliant man, who lived what he preached. Growing up as a Catholic, I’m positive that, like all of us that grew up Catholic during John Paul II’s term, he helped me believe I can be a great, and still be a good, person. His loss has been and will be mourned by all of us.

A Look Ahead

“Proclaim forgiveness and reconciliation, which are the only way to achieve stable harmony.”
- Pope “Eggs” Benedict MMMth (Joseph Ratzinger)

His successor was going to have a tough act to follow, and, after four black smokes, Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger white smoked his way into the title Pope “Eggs” Benedict MMMth.
To judge him now would be just making stuff up (something I, nor any serious journalist would ever do.).
So… Let’s look at Pope “Eggs” Benedict the MMMth and what exciting changes we can expect from the new Pope:


None. It’s the Catholic Church. They haven’t even changed a light bulb since the Council of Trent (1545-1563).

Top 5 Stories of 2005 - #5 - Terri Schiavo

#5 - Terri Schiavo

What We Should Have Learned

“It behooves every man who values liberty of conscience for himself to resist invasions of it in the case of others; or their case may, by change of circumstance, become his own.”
- Thomas Jefferson

     I don’t want to be crass. I really don’t. I know this is a very touchy issue, and a lot of people feel very strongly about it. But, when looking back at 2005, The Schiavo debacle was certainly one of the biggest stories, as well as one of its biggest jokes. Now, before you start writing me angry emails, let me explain- I mean that only in the sense of what the government has become.
     For those of you who were out of the country, in a cave, or, luckily, avoided the media throughout March and April, check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terri_Schiavo for all the information you would need. I don’t have enough room to sum it up myself. All in all, it was a long battle that would have made for exceptional TV if it had been a scripted episode of Law and Order. Unfortunately, it was real.
     The lessons we should have learned come from the unfortunate involvement of religious politicians, seeing a chance to look compassionate and push their dogmas.

Lesson #1- Congress feels that it is above the law and can do anything it wants, including subverting the Constitution and the doctrines of separation of powers and separation of church and state, in order to preserve its religious-based moral beliefs. The Constitution that every politician must swear to uphold states that even if Congress thinks the courts are absolutely crazy, they do not have the authority to force courts to act or review any decision. Personal interest or not, Congress egregiously overstepped its bounds when it forced the courts to “ignore previous reviews,” and make a fresh review of the case. Second, and more legalistically, the Congressional act bestowed special rights on two specific people while denying the specific rights of another, without granting the same rights to everyone. This is a major no-no according to the Constitution and goes against the idea of equal protection under the law.

Lesson #2- Politicians can and will take away your freedom of choice if they don’t agree with you. We missed a couple facts in all of this. First of all, Terri Schiavo’s husband was given legal guardianship shortly after her accident, and Terri’s parents never argued, complained, or fought him for it. Congressional action on the behalf of Terri’s parents blatantly disregarded Michael Schiavo’s personal rights as the legal guardian of Terri. Second, regardless of anything- the husband’s intentions, the parents’ intentions, why it happened, who wanted what, who believes what, and what horrifyingly ridiculous steps were taken by politicians, the courts made the decision based on one thing only- what they determined Terri Schiavo wanted based on eighteen witness testimonies. Any actions taken by the religious leadership, therefore, for the behalf of Terri’s soul were done against the behalf of Terri’s wishes. Let us not forget this could happen to any of us.

Lesson #3- Video trickery and appealing to heartstrings works. MRI results of Terri’s tragically and completely destroyed brain, as well as the autopsy report, concluded that the portion of Terri’s brain responsible for sight were gone. Also destroyed were the centers of cognizance, recognition, speech, and the ability to respond to one’s external environment. That means that the ubiquitous video of Terri following a balloon or looking at a camera or responding to her parents were bunk; a blind woman that can’t respond or think simply can not do any of these things. It turns out they were just camera edits taken from over six hours of tape. But we were duped anyway and because of that, we almost handed our rights over. We must learn that, in battles between our hearts and our minds, our minds must win if the issue is rights.

     So, in conclusion, Terri Schiavo’s situation was a very unfortunate one, made unbearable by the undue weight the religious right, as well as others, placed on it. It was a terrible exercise in semantics, where people blurred the clear distinction between killing someone and letting them die. It was a travesty in many ways, both in terms of the government’s involvement, and the public exposure of a woman who, if anyone had truly cared about personal dignity, wouldn’t have been forced to die in the public eye and on camera in her state. Lastly, “Super Best Friends,” A South Park episode from 2005 that won the Emmy for “Best Animated Program,” is a must-view for anyone who was tugged by this issue.

Check back next week for issue #4 as well as a return to comedy/satire.

2005- At least it’s finally over. A year in review.

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